Stop Telling Kids to "Be Careful"

My therapist told me to stop telling my toddler to "be careful." I was confused at first. I thought that's what caring moms were supposed to say. I had heard "be careful" from adults all of my life. What was the big deal?

She explained that this seemingly innocuous phrase can be damaging to kids. It can instill fear and discourage kids from taking risks and trying new things. Plus, it's a vague space-filler and there are better things to say.

Needless to say, I'm seeing a therapist for my anxiety. I want to finally get a grip on my anxiety partly for my son's sake. They say kids reflect back at you what you haven't resolved within yourself. I want to resolve my anxiety so it doesn't get passed onto my son.

I have been unintentionally passing on my anxiety by telling him to "be careful." To be honest, it's been hard to stop. I didn't even realize how much I was saying it. It's almost like a mom reflex whenever he does anything even a little bit risky.

As my therapist said, kids are supposed to get bruises. That's how they learn. They need to know that they can fall and get back up again.

My therapist gave me advice on what to say instead. It's better to say something that fosters awareness. Such as, "how will you get down from there?" or "do you feel stable on that rock?" Or simply cheer them on as they accomplish new feats.

Of course, we should still protect kids from real danger. But they don't need to be told to "be careful" on the swing set. They could fall off and that's OK.

It's important to allow kids to engage in risky and challenging play. Trust them and give them some space to learn from mistakes. Otherwise, they could grow up to be an adult who is afraid of the world.

So, be careful.